Transfer Cancelled

Well today was supposed to be "the day" but yesterday we received a call from the clinic that the embryos had not advanced enough to do a fresh transfer today. 2 were early blastocysts and one was still a morula.  I guess the "wonky" embryo that was still "in it" on day 3 didn't make it.

I was told that they would monitor them for another two days and if let me know Tuesday (tomorrow) the status. Essentially, if they make it to the right stage and after they are biopsied and assuming everything is normal, they will be frozen and we will do a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) down the line.

I wasn't really given much more information than that, so as you can imagine, my mind is spinning and I'm over-Googling.  Even though I knew this was a possibility and it's still not over, I was surprised how much it effected me--immediately started to cry.  (I'm not much of a crier.) Which is probably why I didn't ask more questions.  My husband afterwards started bombarding me with questions (and continues to) and I don't necessarily know the answer to all of them.

I haven't really been talking about the process with anyone, so it is frustrating to not have anyone to talk to about this now.  My husband and I have been going through this for almost 2 years and keeping it to ourselves and been fine and I haven't felt the need to talk with others.  But for some reason with this, I really wish I had someone to talk to.

Joys of Fertility Meds (TMI Share)

So as part of my protocol, I am taking Endometrin which is a progesterone vaginal suppository.  I have to insert it twice a day and generally do it at night before I go to bed and in the morning when I wake up and have some time to lie around afterwards.  I have read stories of women who have found it to be very messy and have lots of leakage. It hasn't been too bad for me, until today.... (Again TMI, so look away if you don't want to hear more.)

The recommendation is that you lie for about an hour after inserting the Endometrin to help prevent leakage, etc... and many women on the boards advocate for wearing pads and liners with Endometrin.  I have been following both.  This morning though I could only lie around for about 40 min before I had to get going and I skipped the panty liners.  Well actually I only have pads at home (ran out of liners) and have liners in my desk at work.  This week I have been wearing regular "panties" and putting the liner on when I get to work and wearing a pad at home.  Today I didn't want to wear panties (I prefer thongs and really don't have many regular underwear) and went with a thong.  When I got to work, I got busy for the first couple hours and forgot to put on a liner...until it felt like I was leaking through to my pants (luckily just the inside layer and no wet spots that are visible from the outside).  When I went to put on a liner, not only did I have the clear liquid leakage from the Endometrin but also had what looked like thick, white discharge but was likely the semi-dissolved tablet.  Basically ick!  Main lesson? (1) Always wear a liner while on Endometrin (which per the boards can be as long as 12 weeks of pregnancy) and (2) keep a pair of spare underwear on my while on Endometrin.

In other news, today I am supposed to have the RE call to tell me how the embryos are doing.  My husband keeps bugging me to ask if they've called and I keep torturing myself with thoughts of options.  Such as, what if all 4 didn't make it to day 3? I'm trying to stay positive and believe that all 4 will make it, but from what I can tell, 100% making it to day 3 or day 5 is very unusual.

Update After Retrieval

Well I just got the call from my nurse.  Of the 6 eggs they collected, only 4 were mature but luckily all 4 fertilized.

I am still a bit discouraged when I read about people who had 20 and 30 eggs and I only had 6. Yet those tend to have a lot of drop off as far as mature, fertilized, etc..  I'm hoping I just have 4 solid eggs that will continue to develop to embryo and then blastocyst, but at this stage I just don't know. It's all waiting (but then again isn't everything with TTC & infertility?).

I get a call from my RE on Friday with an update on how they are progressing.

2nd Ultrasound

I had my second ultrasound today.  I have 6 follicles over 10 (3 on the left and 3 on the right).  They are all between 13 and 15mm.  I have 1 or 2 follicles under 10.  My RE said to come back on Sunday for another ultrasound and blood work and that he anticipates I will be directed to trigger Sunday night and come back on Tuesday for the retrieval.

Not sure how I feel about this.  A part of me is worried 6 isn't enough, especially when I hear stories of people having 10 or 16 and especially when I hear that such a small percentage can fertilize sometimes and then less that develop to embryos and blastocysts.  I was hoping to have enough to both implant and then freeze so that I have options for having children in the future and can use younger eggs. (I'm always thinking further in advance.)

I don't know, maybe I'm just worrying too much and should be happy I have 6 when some women end up with even less.  We'll see what Sunday's story brings.

Another Update

Got a call from the fertility this afternoon after they reviewed my bloodwork and re-reviewed my ultrasound.  My RE decided I should double my Menopur and start the Ganirelix tonight.  That essentially pushes up what was on my initial protocol by about 2 days.  My husband is also supposed to start Doxycycline to prevent any infections in his sample.

First Ultrasound after Starting IVF Meds

Today was my first ultrasound and bloodwork appointment after starting my IVF meds.  I had 6 follicles.  Not sure if that's good or bad (will start Googling & torturing myself on the fertility boards and likely find everything from it's great to it is horrible!).  It also pushed up my protocol by one day. My husband will start taking doxycycline tomorrow instead of on Friday to prevent any possible infections in his sperm.  I will add Ganirelex to my injections tomorrow (to prevent ovulation) and also increase my Menopur to 2 vials (I'm guessing to help the follicles grow).

This morning was the first morning since I started stimming that I woke up without a migraine, so that is a plus! The RE said that the migraines are generally caused my low estrogen (which makes sense as I generally get them the first day of my period when estrogen tanks) and that it should get better from here.  I hope so!

Tonight I am also trying a Reiki session for general healing and hopefully to help with the fertility.  (Hey why not try everything?) I will do a post on how that goes.

First Day of IVF Meds

Tonight was my first day of taking my IVF meds for stimulating my follicles to grow. My protocol is that I take one vial of Menopur (75iu) and 300 iu of Gonal-f.  In my teach class I learned how to mix the meds so I take one injection instead of two.

So basically it's take 1/2 cc of sodium chloride, inject it into the Menopur vial (Menopur comes as a powder that needs to be mixed with sodium chloride). Then add the Gonal-f to the vial, draw everything's up into the syringe, add the proper gage needle and inject. I'm over simplifying as I'm sure if you're doing IVF meds your RE and/or clinic will instruct you as to how to administer yours. 

My nerves about the injection was how much pressure I would need to use for the needle to puncture the skin. As it turns out, very little. I am not squeamish so maybe that's why it was easy for me, but I simple pinched some of my skin on my stomach, inserted the needle, pushed in the meds, held for 3 seconds as instructed, released, and pulled the needle out. There was no pain (the expected feeling from inserting the needle but really it's the same as any injection, probably less so than your typical vaccine which is intramuscular rather than subcutaneous). I had read that Menopur stings/burns, it didn't. The only thing I was surprised by was that there was a bit more blood than I expected and when I say that, I mean that I expected there to be no blood and there was enough that I did need a bandaid. (Whenever getting vaccines I always thought the bandaid was overkill and thought how much blood could there be for a tiny needle. I guess there is actually some.)

So basically that was my first experience with doing my IVF injections. I think as with most things in life, the anticipation and concern about it is more than the reality.