Frustration

This whole IVF process can be frustrating and overwhelming. Maybe I have a quick trigger, short fuse, and am a quitter, but so many times I just want to throw up my hands and say "I'm done!"  Last week I had my IVF consult with my RE and spent a lot of time discussing genetic screening which would help to ensure the better likelihood of a successful pregnancy as well as the child not having Down's Syndrome.  (More details can be found here.)

Typically, it means that you do not do a fresh transfer, but instead freeze the embryos while you await results and it can mean you get hit for 2 cycles by your insurance instead of 1.  However, when I asked my RE about timeline he suddenly told me there was an option to test the blastocysts on day 5 and implant the next day on day 6 (and freeze the rest).  That seemed like a plan to me and something I was willing to go forward with.

Today, I got an e-mail from my nurse in response to my e-mail from  yesterday after I realized I forgot to start my baby aspirin on Sunday, saying it didn't matter as it was to support blood flow to the uterus for implantation and since I was doing genetic screening, I wouldn't be doing the transfer until later with a frozen transfer.  This contradicts what my doctor said.  The rational part of me knows that she was just responding with what is the standard protocol and that she likely hasn't discussed with my doctor what was discussed last week.  But the tired, frustrated, and overstressed part of me is really angry and upset and pissed and doesn't even want to go forward.  I know that may be silly, but I hate being told one thing only to then be told something contradictory.  I made my decision regarding genetic screening based upon one representation and feel like I'm having the rug pulled out from under me to find out something else.  The attorney part of me starts perking up when I'm told one thing to induce me to pay $3,000 and then told another afterwards, the word fraud starts circling around in my head.

I feel like I could ramble on and on about why it bothers me so much and some of you  may get it and some of you may think I'm crazy, but for now I'll just leave it at I'm frustrated and pissed.  Especially since I responded to my nurse with what my RE told me regarding the overnight test and it's been a few hours and no response.  Maybe she's waiting to talk to the doctor, but it still annoys me.

It also annoys me that my doctor told me that my husband and I could sign the consent forms they require during morning monitoring hours (6:45-8) when I went in for my ultrasound/bloodwork on Friday and my nurse told me to come in at 8 to sign them between 8:15 and 8:30 because morning monitoring hours get "busy."  Again, I understand it's two different people not communicating with each other, but don't other couples undergoing this have work? My husband has an hour plus commute from where the clinic is and is expected to be at work at 8:30.  I work closer, but also am expected at work between 8:30 and 9.  We will already have to take time off for the egg retrieval, etc...  It's a pain to be expected to miss work to sign consent forms.  They give you the option of doing it before a notary, but they only give one notary block on the form.  (In the thousands of legal documents I have drafted and/or read in my career, I have never seen one notary block for 2 signatures, it is always one notary block per signature.) My husband and I should be able to go separately and not have to try to track down a notary (an issue we generally don't have as we are both notaries as are many people at work, so if we need something notarized we always have easy access, but asking a co-worker to notarize a IVF consent form isn't going to happen) and go together.

Ok, so that is my rant.  The IVF journey I'm sure comes with it's highs and lows and many overreactions and just think, I'm not even on the crazy hormones yet! Although I think between the Clomid and Ovidrel from my IUI cycles and the birth control I'm taking now, my hormones aren't exactly at their "normal" level whatever that may be.